Friday, December 10, 2004

Define Normal

A friend of mine, who shall remain nameless for the time being, is living a bit of a normal life and some other friends are alternately amused, impressed, or aghast. Regardless, we want to hear more, especially the single ones for whom there have been jokes about his creating some sort of lesson plan based on his... exploits.

Here's one of the updates he gave us the other day. The background is that he was going to dinner with a recently divorced co-worker who is stacked, and whose sister he has apparently dated in the past. And, yes, he acknowledges that he's breaking at least 5 rules and is being bad. We (principally I) are trying to get him to start a blog...

You mean you guys CARE about the 22 year old I ran into at the restaurant? The one I went to Burning Man with and who makes a beeline to my table from the bar with a screech and a hug? So I introduce her to my date, but I introduce my date using her sister's name instead of hers? Whoops. So then when my date asks "So how do you know eachother, from school?" The girl answers, "No, we got to know each other taking showers together at Burning Man. Can't wait until next year. Have you been? It's a lotta fun..." Smile. Hug. Exit 22 year old nanny. Can you imagine the next question I got? "So are you thinking of my sister that you mix our names up?"

Now see, at this point, things could go either way. Smooth recoveries are essential. "Actually, I was thinking about your sister. I was going to ask you how she was doing right before Jordan walked up. By the way, did you notice Jordan had forgotten my name?" Take notes. Lines like this are key. It's like a sub commander ordering "Launch countermeasures!"

"What makes you think she forgot your name?" my date asks. I pointed out small signs that gave me a 70% feeling of accuracy that Jordan had spaced it. She's a spacey blond. My date continues with her train of thought. Notice, ... no name switch in topic right now. "But she remembered the showers," my date points out. Big grin on my part. "They always remember the showers. I'm good with a wash cloth." Smile. Silence. "So," I continue. "How is your sister? Does she ask about me?"

A fun night. Of course, when I got home I got an email. Another co-worker. She sent me a .jpg of herself, ... full frontal nude shot. To both home and work email. Jinkies. So it was a dash back to work, delete, delete, delete, toss out a bunch of other stuff to hope the network guys are asleep at the wheel and not checking Zip files, ... you know, toss out a bunch of stuff and cross fingers. And then phone call with a gentle reprimand that "reply all" is dangerous. And yes, thanks, I did think the picture was nice. (This is another secret test to see if they are paying attention. Prudence demands switching to the private email account...)

See what I mean? Even if it's all bull, he tells a great story. Having finished this one, he then claims that since he can scarcely believe it & he's living it none of us, nor anyone else, would believe it or want to read it on a regular basis. AND, he wants to hear our stories of the normal. Of the group of us, 2 or 3 are married or coupled and the others are single. According to him, 'normal' includes things like the following:

Fighting with the wife or girlfriend over what color the new towels in the guest bathroom need to be. Saving time two weeks out to actually schedule sex. Being woken up at 4am on a Sunday by a pair of brightly alert pair of child eyes that are staring at you so hard that the auto defense systems in your medulla oblongata alert you to being potential prey, followed swiftly by the question "Are you awake, daddy?"

Well, OK, if you say so. I'm happy to oblige, since I can, starting in a few minutes...

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